A Fictional Conversation Between Kanye West & Will.I.Am


Have you seen this man?

Who’s up for a short story? Well pull up a chair why don’t you and we’ll begin….

It’s a sunny day in Los Angeles. Inside a plush mansion a phone rings, its ringing tones echo throughout the cavernous empty rooms. Tired of the repetetive droning sound, Will.I.AM of The Black Eyed Peas gets up from his monsterously huge DFS sofa and strides over to the phone to answer the call.

“S’up Will.I.Am. It is I, The Kanye West”

“Oh hey Kanye, how’s things”

“Yeah good, my new album just came out y’all”

“Yeah I saw, it’s looking good”

“Hey thanks, it was hard work y’know. All that introspective searching to explore the ideas behind fame, its pitfalls as well as the power that comes with it. I’ve done some stupid shit in the last year so I had to question the perception of the individual versus the image presented by the press whilst thinking about mortality and the legacy we leave behind. We threw everything into making this album, guest rappers, Bon Iver, string sections, choirs, Chris Rock, we went old school in places y’know, put some fucking proper hip-hop breaks back into it. It doesn’t matter what the critics or public say about it, I pretty much put my heart and soul into this album and as a recording artist that’s as much as I can do. So anyway, that’s enough about me, what have you been up to lately?”

“Well my new single just came out. It’s an electro-pop cover version of ‘Time Of My Life’, y’know… that song by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes”

“HAHAHA, nice one Will.I.AM. Kanye West finds that very funny. No really, what’ve you been up to”

“No really, I’ve umm, I’ve really gone and done a cover version of that song from Dirty Dancing”

“Oh, ….. well hey, er, that sounds great but erm. I, I gotta go. Something’s just err, come up, erm,… byeee” *click*

Will.I.Am looks at the phone and slowly places it back on the reciever, he stares down at his feet.

It starts to rain outside.


Have you heard the new Black Eyed Peas song? Fuck me it’s a lazy piece of music. It’s ideal for the oncoming onslaught of office Christmas parties but beyond that it’s a pretty dire piece of work. I find it funny that two artists at the height of commercial hip-hop (loosely speaking when it comes to Will.I.Am) can produce two wildly different pieces of work in terms of invention. Love or hate Kanye you can at least recognise the fact that he’s not afraid to work outside his comfort zone (as heard on 808’s and Heartbrakes) or push himself to his creative limits like he does on his new album. While B.E.P. are happy to lazily toss out an 80’s cover of a song which I must admit I pretty much hated in the first place.

The thing is there was a time when The Black Eyed Peas were a respectable hip-hop group sounding much like The Pharcyde or Jurassic 5. I saw them at a gig back in 2001 where I had a great time watching the three of ’em (no Fergie back then) tear the stage up despite not knowing a single song they performed. What the hell happened?

Bloody Fergie, that’s what.

If you havn’t heard the new B.E.P. song you can go damage your brain by listening to it over at the excellent Discopop blog (whose blog post reminded me to finish writing this one, also thanks to MrsDiscopop for the ‘soundwaves’ quote).


One thought on “A Fictional Conversation Between Kanye West & Will.I.Am

  1. Ironman Tetsuo

    yeah, Black Eyed Peas stopped existing for me the moment Fergie joined. I can sort of see why they did it, years of hard work and only moderate fame, great tunes and yet hardly any air play, and then someone says “why don’t you go hyper-commercial? you’ll earn a bomb!” and they did, and they did, but at the same time, a part of me died

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